hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
