U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
