Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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