You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
