He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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