How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
