I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
