i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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