So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
