last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
