I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
