Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
