Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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