I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
