I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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