He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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