I want to have your abortion
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
