There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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