is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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