the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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