If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
