I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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