was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
