Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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