how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
