i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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