My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
