hotel room ftw
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
