Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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