Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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