drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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