It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
