ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Randomize
