I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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