Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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