You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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