guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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