My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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