I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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