Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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