Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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