Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
