fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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