Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
