I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
