i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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