Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I did not marry a roomba.
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