hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
