She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
