hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize