Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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