Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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