my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
