We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
vagina is talking i cant
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
