Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
