Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
