Small penises have feelings too.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
