Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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