i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
