You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
