hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
