Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
