Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
