I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
