fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
