so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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