They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
