A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize