They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
