wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
