omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
